The Lawyers Book

Blogsters and blogettes. Suze and me just got back from Barnes and Noble bookstore in downtown Sea View. Actually we were walking 2 the head shop 2 score some rolling papers and had 2 go past the bookstore. Otherwise we wouldnt of been anywhere near that many books at one time.

Reg bagged us again. Maybe if she new we were going 2 the bookstore she would have come along. Ouch. Suze just pinched me with a roach clip. She thinks Ive been 2 hard on Reg. She may b right, but IMHO Reg isnt the same person since she started messing around with her married guy.

Anyway. There was a line all the way down the street from the bookstore with people waiting 2 c the Satin Strangler lawyer Horace Krouch. His new book If She Did Him just came out. Its a story about Destiny Blande the Satin Strangler but he changed her name to Daphne. They say the lawyer in If She Did Him is also a lot better looking than Krouch and he makes the beast with two backs with the Destiny Daphne which would probably never happen in real life so its called fiction.

We snagged Suzes older brother Stan who we call Slash after the Guns N Roses lead guitarist. He was up near the front in the bookstore line waiting 2 meet the lawyer.

Suzes brain got its wires crossed, and she started babbling about Guns N Roses killing off the hair bands which is wasted breath anyway since its totally obvious. I just agreed, hoping 2 skip past whatever she had in mind. No such luck. Be4 I could ask Slash if he had rolling papers and y he was on line at a bookstore and if he ever even red a book Suze got that look that Reg used 2 get when she hung with us.

“Best power ballad of all time” she yelled. I waited 2 c if we were allowed to pick the obvious – Jersey gods Skid Row and god of all gods Bon Jovi. Then she said “I Remember You” and “Never Say Goodbye” didnt count. Just as I expected.

Everyone in line started yelling out songs. Its like they were all power ballad experts or something.

"When I Look In2 Your Eyes” by Firehouse

“Is This Love?” by White Snake

“When I C U Smile” by Bad English

“Miles Away” by Winger

“Sometimes She Cries” by Warrant

“Nobodys Fool” by Cinderella

“Love Song” by Tesla

“Home Sweet Home” by the Crue got some play in the voting. Some New York looking pretty boy kept yelling out “Heaven Isnt So Far Away” but he was finally shut up by a butch biker chick rooting 4 “When the Children Cry” by White Lion.

The top choices became obvious. There was almost a brawl over Poisons “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and GNRs “Patience.” Slash was chanting “GNR GNR GNR” and pointing 2 himself as though he was the real Slash or Axel Rose or something. The biker chick was yelling at the New York pretty boy Warrant fan sticking her finger in his face.

It looked like a riot was brewing. The chubby bookstore security guard came over and threatened 2 arrest us all if we didnt pipe down. He kept his hands close 2 his hips like he had guns that he was prepared 2 use or something.

Anyway. Being told 2 pipe down reminded Suze of the bowl in her pocket so we looked 4 a place 2 have a few puffs. The bookstore scene was still getting intense when me and Suze left. Having our names in the paper 4 getting busted at a Barnes and Noble of all places would have been a major BK.

We walked over 2 the boardwalk. They started construction there 2 rebuild the amusement park. Lots of bulldozers and cranes all over the place. Suze and me jumped up on2 a bulldozer seat, looked out over a pile of cement slabs, and lit up some fresh Jersey-Grown.

After a few puffs we totally forgot where we were going so we headed home. Were still out of rolling papers, in case u have any and r in the neighborhood.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

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Prairie Dog Video

Me and Suze were supposed 2 go out 2 c Zombieland last night, but then we stumbled across this video on YouTube. We kept watching it 4 about 3 hours straight. Actually not straight. We were in the middle of en epic buzz.

Halloween in Sea View

Blogsters and blogettes. Last night we went down 2 the beach 2 have our annual Halloween bonfire. It was our first one ever but we agreed to do it again next year. It was me and Suze and Suzes brother Richie and about five of Richies hangout buds. Richies been insisting 4 months that we all wear costumes. We were all busting on him 4 being a teenage girl about it but he wouldnt let it go. Thats the problem with Richie. Actually thats one of a bunch of problems with Richie. Richie said that since he was going 2 the fire house 2 get the permit 4 the bonfire it was his party and if we didnt want 2 wear a costume then we werent coming. Me and Suze werent going 2 go because of the costumes. Richie then had his first good idea ever. We would all dress up like our favorite Springsteen song character. Suze was all over it. She yelled out "The Girl From the Supermarket" and started ripping through old boxes of garbage in her closet. Finally she came up with a beat up old cap that Reg used to wear when she worked at Grocery Barn. She plopped it on her head and said "Done." I was considering Rosalita or maybe Wendy from Born to Run but I figured theyd be 2 much work. I finally decided 2 b Barefoot Girl from Jungleland ("Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a car drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain"). All I had to do was take off my shoes and grab a beer 4 that one. Richie had no idea what he was going to b. He disappeared to figure it out. Me and Suze had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown before heading over 2 the beach because a couple of Richies friends are total mooches. My feet were killing me by the time we got over there. Next time Ill get into costume upon arrival. This way I wont have to walk 12 blocks barefoot through Sea View. When we got 2 the beach Richie was bent over the fire with his back 2 us trying 2 lite a monster stogie. He screamed and spun around with his straw hat on fire. Something that we later found out was two grapefruits in a nylon stocking were whipping around his waist. Suze ran over and pulled the hat off his head. His eyebrows had fallen out but the rest of him was okay. He was a sight with no eyebrows and the grapefruits hanging down from his crotch. When we finally decided hed be okay we asked him what the heck Richie was and he said "Big Balls Billy." We had no idea what he was talking about. He kept saying the name and then finally said it was from Rosalita. We didnt have the heart to tell him the actual line from Rosalita is "Sloppy Sue and Big Bones Billy theyll be coming up for air." The doctors say theres no permanent damage (outside his head) and that the eyebrows will grow back in a few months. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

Little Weenie

Blogsters and blogettes. Has anyone seen the Playgirl photos of Destiny Blande’s old dumped boyfriend? That nerdy guy whats-his-name on Before the Satin? The Playgirl issue just came out yesterday and everybodys going wild over it. Youd think Jon Bon Jovi Rock God was in the photos.

Suze scored the issue from her mom and we checked it out at breakfast yesterday. The photos r nothing 2 write home about. U almost couldnt c anything behind the staple in the middle. If I was a guy and had a weenie that small I wouldnt b posing in a boy toy maggy. Know what I mean?

Suzes brother Richie wanted to c the maggy but hes not gay or anything so he had 2 act like he saw it by mistake while bending over to grab his sweat socks off the coffee table. He said Destinys old boy has a medical disease called microscope fallicks. Hes in med school at the community college so he knows that kind of stuff. We never heard of it. He said the only treatment is 2 do transplants from a donkey d like his. Richie forgets we saw him peeing in the Meadowlands parking lot at the Springsteen concert so no chance of him making it as a donkey donor.

Suze rolled a big fat Jersey-Grown stogie and said “Best teenie weenie songs of all time.” This one was tough, especially without Reg there. Suze and me gathered together a list of the best song titles of all time dedicated 2 the Satin Stranglers boyfriend. Spent all day on it. Heres the ones I remember.

Teenie Weenie (by 24-K)

Give Me an Inch (by Robert Palmer)

Little Willie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)

Its a Small World (that Disney ride song)

Tiny Dancer (by Elton John)

Fairweather Johnson (by Hootie & the Blowfish)

My Ding-a-Ling-a-Ling (by Chuck Berry)

Wee Willie Winkie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)

Dont U Feel Small (by Moody Blues)

Inch by Inch (by Elvis Costello)

Tiny Town (by David Byrne)

Short People (by Randy Newman)

Never Give an Inch (by .38 Special)

Short As Hell (by Gamma Ray)

Never Smoke Weed with Willie Again (by Toby Keith)

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

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The Ditto Trial

Blogsters and blogettes. Yesterday Suze and me were pretty gonzo on Jersey-Grown down by the courthouse. We were hanging outside while the Satin Strangler ditto trial was going on, hoping 2 get a glimpse of Destiny.

We were peeved at Reg cuz she ditched us 2 take her GED test. She never made it in2 that medical study where u get the pot pills for irritating bowel. After her ex-lax diarea wore off she tried out 4 another medical study and made it. Now she gets a hundred bucks a month to take a pill that makes pot smokers brains work better. Shes supposed to keep smoking Jersey-Grown while taking the study pills, but only at certain times so she can write it down in a diary. Thats not so bad cuz me and Suze smoke whenever Reg wants 2, and then some.

The real problem is now Reg thinks shes a total genius or something. She reads the Sea View Gazette and splurges on Canadian beer.

Reg finally admitted that shes been dating some married dude. Those night classes she keeps talking about must b going on in the bedroom, not the classroom. She keeps saying how smart the guy is and that hes going 2 leave his wife and marry her someday. Silly girl. She even says someday shes going 2 quit being in medical experiments for cash and get her job back at Grocery Barn. Me and Suze think shes just BS-ing and wont really get a job. Been there done that with the Fiesta Gal.

When Destiny walked out of the courthouse after the case six shots went off. We hardly even saw her. Everyone went nutso breaking down the police barriers and scrambling 4 cover. Car alarms started going off and every1 was screaming. Destiny got away without being shot.

Gunfire is major BK when youve got bud paranoia. Suze protected our bag of Jersey-Grown brownies by pressing them against her silicone boobies and I curled up on the ground and started balling cuz I thought some1 was shooting at us.

The shooter ran down the stairs until beer bottle hit him square in the face. He stopped in his tracks 4 a second, shaking his head and blinking like he was trying not to pass out.

That was all the crowd needed. All of a sudden beer bottles started flying at him from every direction. He looked like Al Pacino at the end of Scarface with all the machine guns ripping thru him. “Say hello 2 my little friend.” There was broken glass and foam everywhere.

A cop came out of nowhere and jumped on top of the shooter and cuffed him.

Be4 we could c anything else, we were pushed out of the way. We decided it wasnt such a bad idea 2 b leaving anyway. But first I grabbed one of the beer bottles from the ground. Molsen Canadian. Unopened and unbroken. The perfect souvenir for Reg. I shook it up all the way home so it would b ready 4 her.

The shooter turned out 2 b the brother of Grant Leighton, one of the Satin Strangler victims. It was the same guy who went berserk in the courtroom the first time around. The cop was Regs cousin Bobbies friend Jimmy. I guess he finally made it on2 the force.

Suze and me watched the story on the news at the Bait and Bagel after scoring some rolling papers. Jimmy took all the credit. The reporter called him a new breed of police officer with cat-like reflexes. Grrrrrrowl. They said he saved the day. The camera zoomed in close enough 2 c Jimmys eyelid twitching. He said, “A shooter in a crowd is everyones worst nightmare. Im just glad that I was able 2 b in the rite place at the rite time.”

Jimmy the hero. Can u believe it?

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

This is post #58 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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Happy Birthday to the Boss

Today is a NJ state holiday - Bruce Springsteens birthday. Happy 60th birthday Boss!!!

4th of July

Blogsters and blogettes. Happy 4^th of July.

This is going 2 b a most stellar summer. Suze and me got in2 a medical study 2 test the effects of pot on motion sickness. Not sure y their doing it. 2 help people on cruises feel better, I guess. Stand back when they bring out the midnight buffet on the stoner cruise. Haha.

In the study their taking people who never smoked pot, getting them stoned 2 the bejesus 4 a week, and putting them on roller coasters and spinning them around and stuff. Others ride the coasters without smoking. Thats called the control group. Then theres me and Suze in the out of control group. Were all regulars who get our Jersey-Grown free for a month and then get to ride. All this and $100 a week. Score! I love this country. Happy birthday America.

Things r still pretty crazy around here from the Satin Strangler. The beaches r crowded 4 just about the first time ever. Food carts r driving in from New York and Philly to the old boardwalk. Theres even talk about rebuilding the amusement pier. Cant imagine that ever happening. Funny. Less than a year ago they were tearing it all down.

The Strangler Network shows Sea View all the time. Mostly just the marina video footage and the trial. It seems like they cover everything u could imagine about Destiny Blande, except the girl herself. Nobodys heard anything from Destiny. Just her big mouth dad on the tube every day suing the chubby lawyer dude. Theres even a rumor that Destinys dead but that cant b true cuz her civil war suit that I like 2 call her ditto trial is going 2 start soon.

Reg has been here sipping wine while me and Suze lit up our first Jersey-Grown medical grade herb. She flipped on the radio and “Precious and Few” started playing. No idea what radio station Reg was listening 2 in order 4 that 2 happen, but whatevz.

Suze turned the volume up and said “Sappiest songs ever written” as smoke billowed from her mouth.

Reg voted 4 The Captain and Tennille's version of “Muskrat Love” as her choice for the sappiest song. She was so worked up that I thought she was going to punch me out over it. Something in the wine, I guess. Suze came up with a good one “Dont Cry Out Loud” by Melissa Manchester. I picked “Feelings” by Morris Albert. By the way, dont worry, until a couple of minutes ago I had no idea who sang those songs. We looked them up. The internet is unreal.

Then Reg came up with the hands down winner. “I Cant Live” originally sung by Badfinger, then most notoriously by Harry Nilsson, and then by Mariah Carey who brought it back from the dead where it belonged. And 2 think I kind of liked Mariah.

Here it is. The winner. Now its going 2 b stuck in my head all day. Maybe theres a study 2 get song words out of your head. Now that would b worth something.

Well, I cant forget this evening
Or your face as u were leaving
But I guess thats just the way this story goes,
U always smile
But in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live
I cant give anymore
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live,
I cant give anymore
Ohhhhhh

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

This is post #49 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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Betting with Fresh Jersey-Grown

Looks like this dude was betting against the odds, but just think of how much he wouldve 1. Rough day when u get your dealers mixed up.

Stalking a Strangler

Blogsters and blogettes. Heres the rest of what happened the night of the Satin Strangler verdict.

It was a crazy scene outside the courtroom. Half the place was cheering. Half the place was booing. Everyone started pushing 4ward 2 the entrance. The police were lined behind barricades yelling thru megaphones just like in the movies. They looked more scared than us 2 tell u the truth. Cookie the fortune teller was hacking and yelling something about tear gas. But there wasnt any tear gas as far as I could tell. She smokes two packs of Lucky Strikes a day so it was probably the Luckys.

Be4 I new it Destiny Blande and her lawyer dude were busting thru the crowd. I was up on my tippy toes but all I could c was the back of everyones heads. Reminded me of when we snuck out 2 Teterboro Airport that night 2 pay homage to Bon Jovi when they returned from their European tour. Great idea. Poor execution. I did get my cell phone up high enough 2 get a photo of part of my forehead with Destinys hip and lawyer dudes butt in the background. Pretty cool. Id post it in a blog but I am trying to sell it 2 People magazine.

Regs cousin Bobbie has a friend Jimmy who is trying 2 get in2 the Sea View police force. All of a sudden Jimmy comes running up and says hes going 2 follow Destiny in his car. I begged him to take us but he said no way. Then Suze promised 2 flash her boobies if he took us with him and within seconds we were riding in his Firebird.

Reg bailed on us after the courthouse. Suze says the rumor is that Reg is dating some guy. Not sure y she wont talk 2 us about it. Hey whatevz. Guys who keep u from prime party hours r not worth the trouble.

Somehow we ended up not just behind Destinys Accord but also her lawyer dudes B-mer. Major score. I guess that cop training stuff is paying off 4 Jimmy. At first it was slow going but then the pace picked up in our little 3 car parade.

The cars we were following eventually rolled to a stop near a sign that said Mount Rose, NJ. Never heard of it. The place was jammed with people carrying signs and camped out in tents along the roadside. It was like Woodstock or something but without the rain and Hendrix is dead so he wasnt southpaw jamming 2 the National Anthem on his electric guitar. The two cars made U-turns 2 bolt out of there so we followed.

Destiny headed north on the Turnpike followed by the lawyer dude and us. Be4 I new it, we rolled 2 a stop in Little Italy in NYC. Destiny and creepy lawyer dude ducked in2 La Cucina Matera restaurant, so we followed. Now what? Jimmy didnt seem 2 have a plan in mind so we just sat down a few empty tables away from the couple of the century.

I couldnt believe how close we were 2 Destiny Blande. I stared at her the whole time. Is she really innocent? Theres no way. Everybody has 2 know shes guilty. OJ guilty. No room 4 doubt. What was the jury thinking?

What were the two of them doing here together? He definitely had the hots 4 her, but she was all business. They signed a whole stack of papers, then lawyer dude put some back in his briefcase and Destiny put some in her yellow purse.

Was she sizing him up 4 the kill? She killed up to 70 men, then she fooled her lawyer, then the jury. Shell want to kill again. Lawyer dude would b 2 easy for her. 2 chubby 2 wimpy 2 slow. A good old fashioned strangler girl would want more of a challenge. Destiny sat there looking bored silly.

Lawyer dude was totally turned on by Destiny though. He kept licking his lips like a man in the desert standing in front of an ice cream mirage. Beads of sweat grew along his eyebrows, despite how cool it was in the restaurant. Every time he removed his glasses and wiped his forehead, his funky hairdo flopped around. He looked like an overinflated sweaty Gordon Gecko.

Finally lawyer dude made his move and held Destinys hand. She shook her head and folded her arms like she was guarding an armored car. Total shut down mode. Sorry dude.

Without any warning, Suze stumbled over 2 the other table. We had no idea what she was doing but she later told us she was trying 2 have us take her picture with them. But she slipped and fell in2 their table knocking glasses and silverware on the floor and blowing our cover. Suze became twisted up in the table cloth coated in layers of antipasto meats and cheeses. She was lying there on the floor looking like idiot Stromboli.

Destiny and her lawyer dude took off and we never saw them again.

Suze ended up with a piece of what she swears was Destinys garlic bread with a bite taken out of it. She says she wants to get it bronzed or something.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

This is post #43 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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Jersey Block Party

Blogsters and blogettes. Today it was mobbed outside the courthouse waiting 4 the jury’s decision in the Destiny Blande case. The usual BKs at the Bait and Bagel said a verdict might take days or weeks. But it was like all of New Jersey was there. It didnt matter how long it took anyway. It was all about being a part of history. Plus there was nothing else going on.

The front of the courthouse was already jammed by the time we got there. It was like the good old days be4 Ticket Master and Stub Hub went rogue on the concert industry. If u wanted 2 c Springsteen up close back in the day u hitch hiked 2 wherever tickets were going on sale and camped out. A little extra stash of Jersey-Grown bartering herb was all u needed 2 trade up 4 a better place in line. Hey Im just saying. But we got all the way up 2 the top of the courthouse stairs today.

Reg was hanging with us 4 the first time in weeks. Not sure what shes been up 2. Whatever it is, she needs 2 get her priorities straight. Anyway. She brought a backpack stuffed with Dorito family packs, the key to my heart. So whatevz. I scored the extra cheddar of course. Then Suze handed me a poster board sign on a stick that said “Every Girls Destiny.” We were ready and stoked.

The old Ocean Park legends were there in full force, hoping to make a few bucks. It would have been hard 2 miss Psycho Balloon Man, the Blind Caricaturist, and Cookie the Fortune Teller.

Psycho Balloon Man was mangier than ever. His helium tank was in high gear as he twisted balloons into Satin Strangler souvenirs. It was pretty gnarly stuff – nooses, black stockings, and something that must have been Destiny’s face but looked more like a Louies extra cheese with pepperoni. He was his usual ornery self.

Some freakazoid dressed in a huge baby diaper with satin stockings around his neck accidentally banged in2 Psycho with his “Destinys Child” sign. Using his not-so-catlike reflexes, Psycho shot him in the face with a jet of helium. The guy ran away screaming with his hands over his eyes.

Who would b the Psycho Balloon Mans next victim? The guy selling shirts that said “My parents went to the Satin Strangler trial and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?” No he was spared. Instead Psycho Balloon Man cursed out the parents of a four year old boy who asked 4 a giraffe balloon and told them 2 get their “animal on a leash.” Reg was Psychos only customer as always. She bought a stack of noose balloons to inhale and sing Bee Gees songs.

The Blind Caricaturist found a couple 2 pose 4 her. She turned them in2 alien monsters on the sketch pad 2 the sounds of Reg singing “More Than a Woman” in helium shrill.

A radio started blaring with the live broadcast of the trial. The jury already reached a verdict. So much 4 the week-long block party I guess. The crowd was riled. Most of them started chanting “Let her free” and a few answered “Make her fry.” Like everyone else, we all new she was guilty but we love rooting for underdogs, so we joined in with the “Let her free” group. The noise level rose until the announcement that the jury was back in the courtroom. Then u could hear a pin drop.

Every1 outside the courthouse held their breath. Reg tilted a bag of Doritos up in2 the air 2 pour cheddar dust in2 her mouth.

The lead juror read the verdict 2 the judge. “We the jury, find the defendant, Destiny Blande . . .”

Haha! Made u look. Youll have 2 wait. Hey I know u already know what happened anyway. Who doesnt? By the time u read this the Satin Strangler verdict will b old news.

Theres more 2 tell though. My story doesnt stop here. The next part is going 2 b one of those “change the names 2 protect the innocent” deals but first I need 2 catch some righteous Zs. Im toast.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

-----

This is post #36 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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The Trial Tweets

Me and Suze and pretty much everybody else are all following the Satin Strangler trial of the century. Theres no way to miss it actually. Its on TV. Its all over the internet. Every1 is blogging about it. And you can even follow it on Twitter. Destinys lawyer dude has been leading the tweet-o-rama. This stuff is like fresh Jersey-Grown laced with crack. A couple of quick hits and then u just cant put it down. Here are a few of his tweets 4 yure reading pleasure. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.


HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Morning of the trial. Eager to win our case. Faithful follower emails have been abundant. Keep writing more. (via @SeaViewStew) 3/15/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
1st day in court. Smiles and best profiles for the media. Strangler Network cameras rolling. Must be intimidating for the prosecutor Danton. (via @SeaViewStew) 3/15/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Prosecution seeking the death penalty for 2 counts of 1st degree homicide. Only 1 body. We submitted our not guilty plea. (via @SeaViewStew) 3/16/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Medical examiners described the Leighton autopsy findings in extensive detail while projecting photographs on a screen for shock/awe. (via @SeaViewStew) 3/23/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
You probably applauded my cross examination of the medical examiners. Shot Swiss cheese holes in their DNA evidence. (via @SeaViewStew) 3/25/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Prosecution expounded on the impact of the victims’ deaths on their families. Jurors sobbing. Nice touch by Danton, but no surprises. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/3/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
The prosecution started bringing in their so-called witnesses. Trying to place Destiny in the vicinity of both NJ murders. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/17/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Prosecution showed murder weapon photos. The infamous eBay stockings. Nothing like laughter in the courtroom. Momentum may swing. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/19/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Everyone has been watching the Strangler Network. I am recognized everywhere. The publicity frenzy far exceeds the Watson case. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/26/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
The media is agitated by my decision to not present character witnesses. I suppose they went to Yale Law??? Wait and see. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/28/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Media experts and my faithful followers want to see Destiny on the stand. Sorry to disappoint. She will speak only as a free woman after the trial. (via @SeaViewStew) 4/30/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
Prosecution just presented their summation. Compelling, but several holes. Weak DNA evidence and a missing body. Missing murder weapons. My turn next. (via @SeaViewStew) 5/1/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
I almost forgot how exhilarating a strong summation can be. I just changed the outcome of the trial. I will win against stacked odds. (via @SeaViewStew) 5/2/09

HoraceKrouchEsq @HoraceKrouchEsq:
The jury is deliberating. >95% say guilty in Gallup surveys. A win would be my greatest triumph. (via @SeaViewStew) 5/3/09

-----

This is post #34 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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Satin Strangler Personal Items for Sale

So me and Suze were surfing the net looking 4 some of our favorite smoking supplies, and we came across these ads 4 Satin Strangler garb. My eyeballs almost shot out of my skull and Suze nearly coughed up a lung when we saw them. Can u believe what people r selling on the bay of E these days? Check it out. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.


Black Stockings Worn by Satin Strangler Destiny Blande

Item Condition: Used
Time left: 2d 04h (3/8/09, 4PM PDT)
Quantity: 1 pair
Price: UA $46,750
Buy It Now
Watch this Item
Shipping: $5.99 Standard Flat Rate Shipping Service
Returns: No returns
Description: Black satin stockings confiscated during the arrest of Destiny Blande, suspected Satin Strangler, in the Oceanview Motel in Sea View, NJ. Could these be a murder weapon? You decide.


Black Stockings Worn by Satin Strangler Destiny Blande

Item Condition: Used
Time left: 5d 03h (3/11/09, 3PM PDT)
Quantity: 1 pair
Price: UA $46,750
Buy It Now
Watch this Item
Shipping: $5.99 Standard Flat Rate Shipping Service
Returns: No returns
Description: Black satin stockings found in the car owned by Destiny Blande on the night of her arrest. A rare find. They’ll take your breath away.


Red Stockings Worn by Satin Strangler Destiny Blande

Item Condition: Used
Time left: 6d 06h (3/12/09, 6PM PDT)
Quantity: 1 pair
Price: UA $46,750
Buy It Now
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Description: One-of-a-kind red satin stockings worn by the Satin Strangler herself, Destiny Blande. Thigh-high red stockings come complete with red satin and white lace garter belt. For the man who wants a souvenir of the media’s favorite girl, or for the woman on the go. Either way, you can make a killing at this price.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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Bon Jovi Birthday

Today is the 47th birthday of Jon Bon Jovi Rock God.

Boss Crotch

Check it out. Heres the video showing the Boss sliding crotch first in2 the camera at the Super Bowl on Sunday during the halftime show. Thats NJ crotch royalty Boss style.

Springsteen at the Super Bowl

Blogsters and blogettes. bI usually dont watch the Super Bowl but this year me and Suze went down 2 the Bait and Bagel 2 hang with the regulars 4 the halftime show. We passed around a hat 2 place bets on what The Boss was going 2 play. We got the idea from Amy B who told us they bet more than 800 million in Vegas on what the set would be. We didnt have that kind of cash of course so we just put in whatever we could. The Boss was of course awesome. Nuf said. I won the bet. I picked their Tenth Avenue Freeze out anthem, the Born 2 Run no-brainer, and Working on a Dream. I was wrong with Thunder Road and I missed Glory Days. The boys all picked Jungle Land and Rosalita but there 2 long to play at the Super Bowl and Suze picked Jersey Girl only because it reminds her of her fantasy love affair with the Boss himself where Bruce sings to her on the boardwalk in Sea View. I was totally stoked 2 win the bet til the hat was passed back 2 me. In addition 2 my 2 rolling papers there was a quarter, half a bagel minus a bite, two breath mints, three pieces of colored sea glass, and a used movie ticket stub from Bride Wars. Never would have put up the two rolling papers if I new what I was betting against. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

Plane on the Hudson

Blogsters and blogettes. Me and Suze had the weirdest experience yesterday. We polished off a couple of fresh Jersey-Grown monster stogies and were riding out an epic buzz. Suze turned on the TV and plopped down on the sofa with a few family packs of Doritos and a Yahoo 6-pack. She was digging in2 the bags, switching between classic nacho cheese, cool ranch, spicy nacho, blazin buffalo and ranch, tailgater BBQ, and black pepper jack tortilla. Then all of a sudden her crunching stopped. I asked her what was wrong and she was just pointing 2 the TV with her mouth wide open. On the screen was a picture of an airplane with all the passengers standing on the wings, and the caption at the bottom read "Plane Lands on Hudson." I sat next 2 her for a second and tried 2 decide if I was tripping or what. Suze gave up closed her eyes and dropped down on the sofa in a fetal position. I took the Jersey-Grown ziplock bag on the coffee table, zipped it closed, and flushed it down the toilet. We havent told anyone about what happened but I figured Id write it down here. We havent smoked any Jersey-Grown since then. This is now the longest sustained BK that we have endured this year. We may smoke again 2night but we may try 2 go cold turkey 4 more than 24 hours. Luckily when I thought I was flushing the Jersey-Grown down the toilet yesterday I was really putting it in the hamper. I found it today when I went 2 grab a pair of jeans 4 today. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.