Sunday, May 3, 2009

Jersey Block Party

Blogsters and blogettes. Today it was mobbed outside the courthouse waiting 4 the jury’s decision in the Destiny Blande case. The usual BKs at the Bait and Bagel said a verdict might take days or weeks. But it was like all of New Jersey was there. It didnt matter how long it took anyway. It was all about being a part of history. Plus there was nothing else going on.

The front of the courthouse was already jammed by the time we got there. It was like the good old days be4 Ticket Master and Stub Hub went rogue on the concert industry. If u wanted 2 c Springsteen up close back in the day u hitch hiked 2 wherever tickets were going on sale and camped out. A little extra stash of Jersey-Grown bartering herb was all u needed 2 trade up 4 a better place in line. Hey Im just saying. But we got all the way up 2 the top of the courthouse stairs today.

Reg was hanging with us 4 the first time in weeks. Not sure what shes been up 2. Whatever it is, she needs 2 get her priorities straight. Anyway. She brought a backpack stuffed with Dorito family packs, the key to my heart. So whatevz. I scored the extra cheddar of course. Then Suze handed me a poster board sign on a stick that said “Every Girls Destiny.” We were ready and stoked.

The old Ocean Park legends were there in full force, hoping to make a few bucks. It would have been hard 2 miss Psycho Balloon Man, the Blind Caricaturist, and Cookie the Fortune Teller.

Psycho Balloon Man was mangier than ever. His helium tank was in high gear as he twisted balloons into Satin Strangler souvenirs. It was pretty gnarly stuff – nooses, black stockings, and something that must have been Destiny’s face but looked more like a Louies extra cheese with pepperoni. He was his usual ornery self.

Some freakazoid dressed in a huge baby diaper with satin stockings around his neck accidentally banged in2 Psycho with his “Destinys Child” sign. Using his not-so-catlike reflexes, Psycho shot him in the face with a jet of helium. The guy ran away screaming with his hands over his eyes.

Who would b the Psycho Balloon Mans next victim? The guy selling shirts that said “My parents went to the Satin Strangler trial and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?” No he was spared. Instead Psycho Balloon Man cursed out the parents of a four year old boy who asked 4 a giraffe balloon and told them 2 get their “animal on a leash.” Reg was Psychos only customer as always. She bought a stack of noose balloons to inhale and sing Bee Gees songs.

The Blind Caricaturist found a couple 2 pose 4 her. She turned them in2 alien monsters on the sketch pad 2 the sounds of Reg singing “More Than a Woman” in helium shrill.

A radio started blaring with the live broadcast of the trial. The jury already reached a verdict. So much 4 the week-long block party I guess. The crowd was riled. Most of them started chanting “Let her free” and a few answered “Make her fry.” Like everyone else, we all new she was guilty but we love rooting for underdogs, so we joined in with the “Let her free” group. The noise level rose until the announcement that the jury was back in the courtroom. Then u could hear a pin drop.

Every1 outside the courthouse held their breath. Reg tilted a bag of Doritos up in2 the air 2 pour cheddar dust in2 her mouth.

The lead juror read the verdict 2 the judge. “We the jury, find the defendant, Destiny Blande . . .”

Haha! Made u look. Youll have 2 wait. Hey I know u already know what happened anyway. Who doesnt? By the time u read this the Satin Strangler verdict will b old news.

Theres more 2 tell though. My story doesnt stop here. The next part is going 2 b one of those “change the names 2 protect the innocent” deals but first I need 2 catch some righteous Zs. Im toast.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.


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