Best Song Lyrics Ever

Me and Suze were over at Regs place listening 2 tunes and we started talking about the best song lyrics ever. Suze voted 4 Pink Floyds Wish U Were Here: Did u exchange A walk on part in a war 4 a lead role in a cage? Then after a few more puffs she started babbling about the Floyd Tune called Empty Spaces from The Wall. We love the Floyd, but theres only 4 lines of lyrics in the hole song. That was the Jersey-Grown talking. What shall we use 2 fill the empty spaces Where we used 2 talk? How shall I fill the final places? How should I complete the wall? Me and Reg went with everything Springsteen ever wrote. Suze made us narrow down the list though. I voted 4 Backstreets: Remember all the movies, Terry Wed go see Trying 2 learn 2 walk like the heroes We thought we had 2 b Well after all this time 2 find were just like all the rest Stranded in the park And forced 2 confess 2 hiding on the backstreets No surprise Reg went with Thunderroad: Waste your summer praying in vain 4 a savior 2 rise from these streets Well, Im no hero, thats understood All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood Hard not 2 love those lines from The Boss. What do u think? Vote 4 yure favorite lyrics in the comments below. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

I got tons of emails after posting about the best hair band rock ballad ever. It got me and Suze surfing the net as they say 2 find some good footage. This concert has Poison singing Every Rose Has Its Thorn. We had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown be4 watching it but it looks like a concert we saw back in the day. If you look carefully at the 2:30 time point you can probably make out Suze in the back. I think I may have been passed out by that point but maybe Im just behind someone in the shot. Here it is. Enjoy it. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

The Lawyers Book

Blogsters and blogettes. Suze and me just got back from Barnes and Noble bookstore in downtown Sea View. Actually we were walking 2 the head shop 2 score some rolling papers and had 2 go past the bookstore. Otherwise we wouldnt of been anywhere near that many books at one time.

Reg bagged us again. Maybe if she new we were going 2 the bookstore she would have come along. Ouch. Suze just pinched me with a roach clip. She thinks Ive been 2 hard on Reg. She may b right, but IMHO Reg isnt the same person since she started messing around with her married guy.

Anyway. There was a line all the way down the street from the bookstore with people waiting 2 c the Satin Strangler lawyer Horace Krouch. His new book If She Did Him just came out. Its a story about Destiny Blande the Satin Strangler but he changed her name to Daphne. They say the lawyer in If She Did Him is also a lot better looking than Krouch and he makes the beast with two backs with the Destiny Daphne which would probably never happen in real life so its called fiction.

We snagged Suzes older brother Stan who we call Slash after the Guns N Roses lead guitarist. He was up near the front in the bookstore line waiting 2 meet the lawyer.

Suzes brain got its wires crossed, and she started babbling about Guns N Roses killing off the hair bands which is wasted breath anyway since its totally obvious. I just agreed, hoping 2 skip past whatever she had in mind. No such luck. Be4 I could ask Slash if he had rolling papers and y he was on line at a bookstore and if he ever even red a book Suze got that look that Reg used 2 get when she hung with us.

“Best power ballad of all time” she yelled. I waited 2 c if we were allowed to pick the obvious – Jersey gods Skid Row and god of all gods Bon Jovi. Then she said “I Remember You” and “Never Say Goodbye” didnt count. Just as I expected.

Everyone in line started yelling out songs. Its like they were all power ballad experts or something.

"When I Look In2 Your Eyes” by Firehouse

“Is This Love?” by White Snake

“When I C U Smile” by Bad English

“Miles Away” by Winger

“Sometimes She Cries” by Warrant

“Nobodys Fool” by Cinderella

“Love Song” by Tesla

“Home Sweet Home” by the Crue got some play in the voting. Some New York looking pretty boy kept yelling out “Heaven Isnt So Far Away” but he was finally shut up by a butch biker chick rooting 4 “When the Children Cry” by White Lion.

The top choices became obvious. There was almost a brawl over Poisons “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and GNRs “Patience.” Slash was chanting “GNR GNR GNR” and pointing 2 himself as though he was the real Slash or Axel Rose or something. The biker chick was yelling at the New York pretty boy Warrant fan sticking her finger in his face.

It looked like a riot was brewing. The chubby bookstore security guard came over and threatened 2 arrest us all if we didnt pipe down. He kept his hands close 2 his hips like he had guns that he was prepared 2 use or something.

Anyway. Being told 2 pipe down reminded Suze of the bowl in her pocket so we looked 4 a place 2 have a few puffs. The bookstore scene was still getting intense when me and Suze left. Having our names in the paper 4 getting busted at a Barnes and Noble of all places would have been a major BK.

We walked over 2 the boardwalk. They started construction there 2 rebuild the amusement park. Lots of bulldozers and cranes all over the place. Suze and me jumped up on2 a bulldozer seat, looked out over a pile of cement slabs, and lit up some fresh Jersey-Grown.

After a few puffs we totally forgot where we were going so we headed home. Were still out of rolling papers, in case u have any and r in the neighborhood.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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Prairie Dog Video

Me and Suze were supposed 2 go out 2 c Zombieland last night, but then we stumbled across this video on YouTube. We kept watching it 4 about 3 hours straight. Actually not straight. We were in the middle of en epic buzz.

Halloween in Sea View

Blogsters and blogettes. Last night we went down 2 the beach 2 have our annual Halloween bonfire. It was our first one ever but we agreed to do it again next year. It was me and Suze and Suzes brother Richie and about five of Richies hangout buds. Richies been insisting 4 months that we all wear costumes. We were all busting on him 4 being a teenage girl about it but he wouldnt let it go. Thats the problem with Richie. Actually thats one of a bunch of problems with Richie. Richie said that since he was going 2 the fire house 2 get the permit 4 the bonfire it was his party and if we didnt want 2 wear a costume then we werent coming. Me and Suze werent going 2 go because of the costumes. Richie then had his first good idea ever. We would all dress up like our favorite Springsteen song character. Suze was all over it. She yelled out "The Girl From the Supermarket" and started ripping through old boxes of garbage in her closet. Finally she came up with a beat up old cap that Reg used to wear when she worked at Grocery Barn. She plopped it on her head and said "Done." I was considering Rosalita or maybe Wendy from Born to Run but I figured theyd be 2 much work. I finally decided 2 b Barefoot Girl from Jungleland ("Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a car drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain"). All I had to do was take off my shoes and grab a beer 4 that one. Richie had no idea what he was going to b. He disappeared to figure it out. Me and Suze had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown before heading over 2 the beach because a couple of Richies friends are total mooches. My feet were killing me by the time we got over there. Next time Ill get into costume upon arrival. This way I wont have to walk 12 blocks barefoot through Sea View. When we got 2 the beach Richie was bent over the fire with his back 2 us trying 2 lite a monster stogie. He screamed and spun around with his straw hat on fire. Something that we later found out was two grapefruits in a nylon stocking were whipping around his waist. Suze ran over and pulled the hat off his head. His eyebrows had fallen out but the rest of him was okay. He was a sight with no eyebrows and the grapefruits hanging down from his crotch. When we finally decided hed be okay we asked him what the heck Richie was and he said "Big Balls Billy." We had no idea what he was talking about. He kept saying the name and then finally said it was from Rosalita. We didnt have the heart to tell him the actual line from Rosalita is "Sloppy Sue and Big Bones Billy theyll be coming up for air." The doctors say theres no permanent damage (outside his head) and that the eyebrows will grow back in a few months. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

Little Weenie

Blogsters and blogettes. Has anyone seen the Playgirl photos of Destiny Blande’s old dumped boyfriend? That nerdy guy whats-his-name on Before the Satin? The Playgirl issue just came out yesterday and everybodys going wild over it. Youd think Jon Bon Jovi Rock God was in the photos.

Suze scored the issue from her mom and we checked it out at breakfast yesterday. The photos r nothing 2 write home about. U almost couldnt c anything behind the staple in the middle. If I was a guy and had a weenie that small I wouldnt b posing in a boy toy maggy. Know what I mean?

Suzes brother Richie wanted to c the maggy but hes not gay or anything so he had 2 act like he saw it by mistake while bending over to grab his sweat socks off the coffee table. He said Destinys old boy has a medical disease called microscope fallicks. Hes in med school at the community college so he knows that kind of stuff. We never heard of it. He said the only treatment is 2 do transplants from a donkey d like his. Richie forgets we saw him peeing in the Meadowlands parking lot at the Springsteen concert so no chance of him making it as a donkey donor.

Suze rolled a big fat Jersey-Grown stogie and said “Best teenie weenie songs of all time.” This one was tough, especially without Reg there. Suze and me gathered together a list of the best song titles of all time dedicated 2 the Satin Stranglers boyfriend. Spent all day on it. Heres the ones I remember.

Teenie Weenie (by 24-K)

Give Me an Inch (by Robert Palmer)

Little Willie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)

Its a Small World (that Disney ride song)

Tiny Dancer (by Elton John)

Fairweather Johnson (by Hootie & the Blowfish)

My Ding-a-Ling-a-Ling (by Chuck Berry)

Wee Willie Winkie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)

Dont U Feel Small (by Moody Blues)

Inch by Inch (by Elvis Costello)

Tiny Town (by David Byrne)

Short People (by Randy Newman)

Never Give an Inch (by .38 Special)

Short As Hell (by Gamma Ray)

Never Smoke Weed with Willie Again (by Toby Keith)

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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The Ditto Trial

Blogsters and blogettes. Yesterday Suze and me were pretty gonzo on Jersey-Grown down by the courthouse. We were hanging outside while the Satin Strangler ditto trial was going on, hoping 2 get a glimpse of Destiny.

We were peeved at Reg cuz she ditched us 2 take her GED test. She never made it in2 that medical study where u get the pot pills for irritating bowel. After her ex-lax diarea wore off she tried out 4 another medical study and made it. Now she gets a hundred bucks a month to take a pill that makes pot smokers brains work better. Shes supposed to keep smoking Jersey-Grown while taking the study pills, but only at certain times so she can write it down in a diary. Thats not so bad cuz me and Suze smoke whenever Reg wants 2, and then some.

The real problem is now Reg thinks shes a total genius or something. She reads the Sea View Gazette and splurges on Canadian beer.

Reg finally admitted that shes been dating some married dude. Those night classes she keeps talking about must b going on in the bedroom, not the classroom. She keeps saying how smart the guy is and that hes going 2 leave his wife and marry her someday. Silly girl. She even says someday shes going 2 quit being in medical experiments for cash and get her job back at Grocery Barn. Me and Suze think shes just BS-ing and wont really get a job. Been there done that with the Fiesta Gal.

When Destiny walked out of the courthouse after the case six shots went off. We hardly even saw her. Everyone went nutso breaking down the police barriers and scrambling 4 cover. Car alarms started going off and every1 was screaming. Destiny got away without being shot.

Gunfire is major BK when youve got bud paranoia. Suze protected our bag of Jersey-Grown brownies by pressing them against her silicone boobies and I curled up on the ground and started balling cuz I thought some1 was shooting at us.

The shooter ran down the stairs until beer bottle hit him square in the face. He stopped in his tracks 4 a second, shaking his head and blinking like he was trying not to pass out.

That was all the crowd needed. All of a sudden beer bottles started flying at him from every direction. He looked like Al Pacino at the end of Scarface with all the machine guns ripping thru him. “Say hello 2 my little friend.” There was broken glass and foam everywhere.

A cop came out of nowhere and jumped on top of the shooter and cuffed him.

Be4 we could c anything else, we were pushed out of the way. We decided it wasnt such a bad idea 2 b leaving anyway. But first I grabbed one of the beer bottles from the ground. Molsen Canadian. Unopened and unbroken. The perfect souvenir for Reg. I shook it up all the way home so it would b ready 4 her.

The shooter turned out 2 b the brother of Grant Leighton, one of the Satin Strangler victims. It was the same guy who went berserk in the courtroom the first time around. The cop was Regs cousin Bobbies friend Jimmy. I guess he finally made it on2 the force.

Suze and me watched the story on the news at the Bait and Bagel after scoring some rolling papers. Jimmy took all the credit. The reporter called him a new breed of police officer with cat-like reflexes. Grrrrrrowl. They said he saved the day. The camera zoomed in close enough 2 c Jimmys eyelid twitching. He said, “A shooter in a crowd is everyones worst nightmare. Im just glad that I was able 2 b in the rite place at the rite time.”

Jimmy the hero. Can u believe it?

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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This is post #58 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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