Saturday, November 7, 2009
Prairie Dog Video
Me and Suze were supposed 2 go out 2 c Zombieland last night, but then we stumbled across this video on YouTube. We kept watching it 4 about 3 hours straight. Actually not straight. We were in the middle of en epic buzz.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween in Sea View
Blogsters and blogettes. Last night we went down 2 the beach 2 have our annual Halloween bonfire. It was our first one ever but we agreed to do it again next year. It was me and Suze and Suzes brother Richie and about five of Richies hangout buds. Richies been insisting 4 months that we all wear costumes. We were all busting on him 4 being a teenage girl about it but he wouldnt let it go. Thats the problem with Richie. Actually thats one of a bunch of problems with Richie.
Richie said that since he was going 2 the fire house 2 get the permit 4 the bonfire it was his party and if we didnt want 2 wear a costume then we werent coming. Me and Suze werent going 2 go because of the costumes. Richie then had his first good idea ever. We would all dress up like our favorite Springsteen song character. Suze was all over it. She yelled out "The Girl From the Supermarket" and started ripping through old boxes of garbage in her closet. Finally she came up with a beat up old cap that Reg used to wear when she worked at Grocery Barn. She plopped it on her head and said "Done."
I was considering Rosalita or maybe Wendy from Born to Run but I figured theyd be 2 much work. I finally decided 2 b Barefoot Girl from Jungleland ("Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a car drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain"). All I had to do was take off my shoes and grab a beer 4 that one. Richie had no idea what he was going to b. He disappeared to figure it out.
Me and Suze had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown before heading over 2 the beach because a couple of Richies friends are total mooches. My feet were killing me by the time we got over there. Next time Ill get into costume upon arrival. This way I wont have to walk 12 blocks barefoot through Sea View.
When we got 2 the beach Richie was bent over the fire with his back 2 us trying 2 lite a monster stogie. He screamed and spun around with his straw hat on fire. Something that we later found out was two grapefruits in a nylon stocking were whipping around his waist. Suze ran over and pulled the hat off his head. His eyebrows had fallen out but the rest of him was okay. He was a sight with no eyebrows and the grapefruits hanging down from his crotch.
When we finally decided hed be okay we asked him what the heck Richie was and he said "Big Balls Billy." We had no idea what he was talking about. He kept saying the name and then finally said it was from Rosalita. We didnt have the heart to tell him the actual line from Rosalita is "Sloppy Sue and Big Bones Billy theyll be coming up for air."
The doctors say theres no permanent damage (outside his head) and that the eyebrows will grow back in a few months.
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Little Weenie
Blogsters and blogettes. Has anyone seen the Playgirl photos of Destiny Blande’s old dumped boyfriend? That nerdy guy whats-his-name on Before the Satin? The Playgirl issue just came out yesterday and everybodys going wild over it. Youd think Jon Bon Jovi Rock God was in the photos.
Suze scored the issue from her mom and we checked it out at breakfast yesterday. The photos r nothing 2 write home about. U almost couldnt c anything behind the staple in the middle. If I was a guy and had a weenie that small I wouldnt b posing in a boy toy maggy. Know what I mean?
Suzes brother Richie wanted to c the maggy but hes not gay or anything so he had 2 act like he saw it by mistake while bending over to grab his sweat socks off the coffee table. He said Destinys old boy has a medical disease called microscope fallicks. Hes in med school at the community college so he knows that kind of stuff. We never heard of it. He said the only treatment is 2 do transplants from a donkey d like his. Richie forgets we saw him peeing in the Meadowlands parking lot at the Springsteen concert so no chance of him making it as a donkey donor.
Suze rolled a big fat Jersey-Grown stogie and said “Best teenie weenie songs of all time.” This one was tough, especially without Reg there. Suze and me gathered together a list of the best song titles of all time dedicated 2 the Satin Stranglers boyfriend. Spent all day on it. Heres the ones I remember.
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
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Suze scored the issue from her mom and we checked it out at breakfast yesterday. The photos r nothing 2 write home about. U almost couldnt c anything behind the staple in the middle. If I was a guy and had a weenie that small I wouldnt b posing in a boy toy maggy. Know what I mean?
Suzes brother Richie wanted to c the maggy but hes not gay or anything so he had 2 act like he saw it by mistake while bending over to grab his sweat socks off the coffee table. He said Destinys old boy has a medical disease called microscope fallicks. Hes in med school at the community college so he knows that kind of stuff. We never heard of it. He said the only treatment is 2 do transplants from a donkey d like his. Richie forgets we saw him peeing in the Meadowlands parking lot at the Springsteen concert so no chance of him making it as a donkey donor.
Suze rolled a big fat Jersey-Grown stogie and said “Best teenie weenie songs of all time.” This one was tough, especially without Reg there. Suze and me gathered together a list of the best song titles of all time dedicated 2 the Satin Stranglers boyfriend. Spent all day on it. Heres the ones I remember.
Teenie Weenie (by 24-K)
Give Me an Inch (by Robert Palmer)
Little Willie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)
Its a Small World (that Disney ride song)
Tiny Dancer (by Elton John)
Fairweather Johnson (by Hootie & the Blowfish)
My Ding-a-Ling-a-Ling (by Chuck Berry)
Wee Willie Winkie (by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)
Dont U Feel Small (by Moody Blues)
Inch by Inch (by Elvis Costello)
Tiny Town (by David Byrne)
Short People (by Randy Newman)
Never Give an Inch (by .38 Special)
Short As Hell (by Gamma Ray)
Never Smoke Weed with Willie Again (by Toby Keith)
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
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Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Ditto Trial
Blogsters and blogettes. Yesterday Suze and me were pretty gonzo on Jersey-Grown down by the courthouse. We were hanging outside while the Satin Strangler ditto trial was going on, hoping 2 get a glimpse of Destiny.
We were peeved at Reg cuz she ditched us 2 take her GED test. She never made it in2 that medical study where u get the pot pills for irritating bowel. After her ex-lax diarea wore off she tried out 4 another medical study and made it. Now she gets a hundred bucks a month to take a pill that makes pot smokers brains work better. Shes supposed to keep smoking Jersey-Grown while taking the study pills, but only at certain times so she can write it down in a diary. Thats not so bad cuz me and Suze smoke whenever Reg wants 2, and then some.
The real problem is now Reg thinks shes a total genius or something. She reads the Sea View Gazette and splurges on Canadian beer.
Reg finally admitted that shes been dating some married dude. Those night classes she keeps talking about must b going on in the bedroom, not the classroom. She keeps saying how smart the guy is and that hes going 2 leave his wife and marry her someday. Silly girl. She even says someday shes going 2 quit being in medical experiments for cash and get her job back at Grocery Barn. Me and Suze think shes just BS-ing and wont really get a job. Been there done that with the Fiesta Gal.
When Destiny walked out of the courthouse after the case six shots went off. We hardly even saw her. Everyone went nutso breaking down the police barriers and scrambling 4 cover. Car alarms started going off and every1 was screaming. Destiny got away without being shot.
Gunfire is major BK when youve got bud paranoia. Suze protected our bag of Jersey-Grown brownies by pressing them against her silicone boobies and I curled up on the ground and started balling cuz I thought some1 was shooting at us.
The shooter ran down the stairs until beer bottle hit him square in the face. He stopped in his tracks 4 a second, shaking his head and blinking like he was trying not to pass out.
That was all the crowd needed. All of a sudden beer bottles started flying at him from every direction. He looked like Al Pacino at the end of Scarface with all the machine guns ripping thru him. “Say hello 2 my little friend.” There was broken glass and foam everywhere.
A cop came out of nowhere and jumped on top of the shooter and cuffed him.
Be4 we could c anything else, we were pushed out of the way. We decided it wasnt such a bad idea 2 b leaving anyway. But first I grabbed one of the beer bottles from the ground. Molsen Canadian. Unopened and unbroken. The perfect souvenir for Reg. I shook it up all the way home so it would b ready 4 her.
The shooter turned out 2 b the brother of Grant Leighton, one of the Satin Strangler victims. It was the same guy who went berserk in the courtroom the first time around. The cop was Regs cousin Bobbies friend Jimmy. I guess he finally made it on2 the force.
Suze and me watched the story on the news at the Bait and Bagel after scoring some rolling papers. Jimmy took all the credit. The reporter called him a new breed of police officer with cat-like reflexes. Grrrrrrowl. They said he saved the day. The camera zoomed in close enough 2 c Jimmys eyelid twitching. He said, “A shooter in a crowd is everyones worst nightmare. Im just glad that I was able 2 b in the rite place at the rite time.”
Jimmy the hero. Can u believe it?
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
This is post #58 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).
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We were peeved at Reg cuz she ditched us 2 take her GED test. She never made it in2 that medical study where u get the pot pills for irritating bowel. After her ex-lax diarea wore off she tried out 4 another medical study and made it. Now she gets a hundred bucks a month to take a pill that makes pot smokers brains work better. Shes supposed to keep smoking Jersey-Grown while taking the study pills, but only at certain times so she can write it down in a diary. Thats not so bad cuz me and Suze smoke whenever Reg wants 2, and then some.
The real problem is now Reg thinks shes a total genius or something. She reads the Sea View Gazette and splurges on Canadian beer.
Reg finally admitted that shes been dating some married dude. Those night classes she keeps talking about must b going on in the bedroom, not the classroom. She keeps saying how smart the guy is and that hes going 2 leave his wife and marry her someday. Silly girl. She even says someday shes going 2 quit being in medical experiments for cash and get her job back at Grocery Barn. Me and Suze think shes just BS-ing and wont really get a job. Been there done that with the Fiesta Gal.
When Destiny walked out of the courthouse after the case six shots went off. We hardly even saw her. Everyone went nutso breaking down the police barriers and scrambling 4 cover. Car alarms started going off and every1 was screaming. Destiny got away without being shot.
Gunfire is major BK when youve got bud paranoia. Suze protected our bag of Jersey-Grown brownies by pressing them against her silicone boobies and I curled up on the ground and started balling cuz I thought some1 was shooting at us.
The shooter ran down the stairs until beer bottle hit him square in the face. He stopped in his tracks 4 a second, shaking his head and blinking like he was trying not to pass out.
That was all the crowd needed. All of a sudden beer bottles started flying at him from every direction. He looked like Al Pacino at the end of Scarface with all the machine guns ripping thru him. “Say hello 2 my little friend.” There was broken glass and foam everywhere.
A cop came out of nowhere and jumped on top of the shooter and cuffed him.
Be4 we could c anything else, we were pushed out of the way. We decided it wasnt such a bad idea 2 b leaving anyway. But first I grabbed one of the beer bottles from the ground. Molsen Canadian. Unopened and unbroken. The perfect souvenir for Reg. I shook it up all the way home so it would b ready 4 her.
The shooter turned out 2 b the brother of Grant Leighton, one of the Satin Strangler victims. It was the same guy who went berserk in the courtroom the first time around. The cop was Regs cousin Bobbies friend Jimmy. I guess he finally made it on2 the force.
Suze and me watched the story on the news at the Bait and Bagel after scoring some rolling papers. Jimmy took all the credit. The reporter called him a new breed of police officer with cat-like reflexes. Grrrrrrowl. They said he saved the day. The camera zoomed in close enough 2 c Jimmys eyelid twitching. He said, “A shooter in a crowd is everyones worst nightmare. Im just glad that I was able 2 b in the rite place at the rite time.”
Jimmy the hero. Can u believe it?
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
This is post #58 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Happy Birthday to the Boss
Today is a NJ state holiday - Bruce Springsteens birthday. Happy 60th birthday Boss!!!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
4th of July
Blogsters and blogettes. Happy 4th of July.
This is going 2 b a most stellar summer. Suze and me got in2 a medical study 2 test the effects of pot on motion sickness. Not sure y their doing it. 2 help people on cruises feel better, I guess. Stand back when they bring out the midnight buffet on the stoner cruise. Haha.
In the study their taking people who never smoked pot, getting them stoned 2 the bejesus 4 a week, and putting them on roller coasters and spinning them around and stuff. Others ride the coasters without smoking. Thats called the control group. Then theres me and Suze in the out of control group. Were all regulars who get our Jersey-Grown free for a month and then get to ride. All this and $100 a week. Score! I love this country. Happy birthday America.
Things r still pretty crazy around here from the Satin Strangler. The beaches r crowded 4 just about the first time ever. Food carts r driving in from New York and Philly to the old boardwalk. Theres even talk about rebuilding the amusement pier. Cant imagine that ever happening. Funny. Less than a year ago they were tearing it all down.
The Strangler Network shows Sea View all the time. Mostly just the marina video footage and the trial. It seems like they cover everything u could imagine about Destiny Blande, except the girl herself. Nobodys heard anything from Destiny. Just her big mouth dad on the tube every day suing the chubby lawyer dude. Theres even a rumor that Destinys dead but that cant b true cuz her civil war suit that I like 2 call her ditto trial is going 2 start soon.
Reg has been here sipping wine while me and Suze lit up our first Jersey-Grown medical grade herb. She flipped on the radio and “Precious and Few” started playing. No idea what radio station Reg was listening 2 in order 4 that 2 happen, but whatevz.
Suze turned the volume up and said “Sappiest songs ever written” as smoke billowed from her mouth.
Reg voted 4 The Captain and Tennille's version of “Muskrat Love” as her choice for the sappiest song. She was so worked up that I thought she was going to punch me out over it. Something in the wine, I guess. Suze came up with a good one “Dont Cry Out Loud” by Melissa Manchester. I picked “Feelings” by Morris Albert. By the way, dont worry, until a couple of minutes ago I had no idea who sang those songs. We looked them up. The internet is unreal.
Then Reg came up with the hands down winner. “I Cant Live” originally sung by Badfinger, then most notoriously by Harry Nilsson, and then by Mariah Carey who brought it back from the dead where it belonged. And 2 think I kind of liked Mariah.
Here it is. The winner. Now its going 2 b stuck in my head all day. Maybe theres a study 2 get song words out of your head. Now that would b worth something.
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
This is post #49 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).
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This is going 2 b a most stellar summer. Suze and me got in2 a medical study 2 test the effects of pot on motion sickness. Not sure y their doing it. 2 help people on cruises feel better, I guess. Stand back when they bring out the midnight buffet on the stoner cruise. Haha.
In the study their taking people who never smoked pot, getting them stoned 2 the bejesus 4 a week, and putting them on roller coasters and spinning them around and stuff. Others ride the coasters without smoking. Thats called the control group. Then theres me and Suze in the out of control group. Were all regulars who get our Jersey-Grown free for a month and then get to ride. All this and $100 a week. Score! I love this country. Happy birthday America.
Things r still pretty crazy around here from the Satin Strangler. The beaches r crowded 4 just about the first time ever. Food carts r driving in from New York and Philly to the old boardwalk. Theres even talk about rebuilding the amusement pier. Cant imagine that ever happening. Funny. Less than a year ago they were tearing it all down.
The Strangler Network shows Sea View all the time. Mostly just the marina video footage and the trial. It seems like they cover everything u could imagine about Destiny Blande, except the girl herself. Nobodys heard anything from Destiny. Just her big mouth dad on the tube every day suing the chubby lawyer dude. Theres even a rumor that Destinys dead but that cant b true cuz her civil war suit that I like 2 call her ditto trial is going 2 start soon.
Reg has been here sipping wine while me and Suze lit up our first Jersey-Grown medical grade herb. She flipped on the radio and “Precious and Few” started playing. No idea what radio station Reg was listening 2 in order 4 that 2 happen, but whatevz.
Suze turned the volume up and said “Sappiest songs ever written” as smoke billowed from her mouth.
Reg voted 4 The Captain and Tennille's version of “Muskrat Love” as her choice for the sappiest song. She was so worked up that I thought she was going to punch me out over it. Something in the wine, I guess. Suze came up with a good one “Dont Cry Out Loud” by Melissa Manchester. I picked “Feelings” by Morris Albert. By the way, dont worry, until a couple of minutes ago I had no idea who sang those songs. We looked them up. The internet is unreal.
Then Reg came up with the hands down winner. “I Cant Live” originally sung by Badfinger, then most notoriously by Harry Nilsson, and then by Mariah Carey who brought it back from the dead where it belonged. And 2 think I kind of liked Mariah.
Here it is. The winner. Now its going 2 b stuck in my head all day. Maybe theres a study 2 get song words out of your head. Now that would b worth something.
Well, I cant forget this evening
Or your face as u were leaving
But I guess thats just the way this story goes,
U always smile
But in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live
I cant give anymore
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live,
I cant give anymore
Ohhhhhh
Or your face as u were leaving
But I guess thats just the way this story goes,
U always smile
But in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live
I cant give anymore
Cant live
If living is without u
I cant live,
I cant give anymore
Ohhhhhh
Thats all I got 4 now. Later.
-----
This is post #49 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).
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Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Betting with Fresh Jersey-Grown
Looks like this dude was betting against the odds, but just think of how much he wouldve 1. Rough day when u get your dealers mixed up.
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