Happy B-Day to JBJ Rock God

Today is the 48th birthday of Jon Bon Jovi. Rock on rock god.

May Mays Secret

Blogsters and blogettes. U r definitely going to call BS when I tell you this. I nearly fell over when I heard it and I was only a couple of puffs in2 my day.

U know that story about our Mayor Mayfield thats been on the news all day? The one about him having an affair with a young woman at that apartment across from the marina? Well thats not just any woman. Thats our friend Reg. Yes, the ex-alias Fiesta Gal.

May May is the married guy Regs been hiding out with. No wonder she didnt tell anyone. Shes been sleeping with Sea View Royalty, and married royalty at that.

May May looks like hes 80 or something. No they said hes 58 on the news. But thats about 4 times as old as Reg whose 22. Hes been married to Samantha 4 almost 40 years. Was married that is. His wife split last week be4 the news broke.

May Mays spokesperson said the marriage is over and Reg is pregnant and the mayor plans 2 marry her. Wo.

The Mayfields oldest grandson was a Freshman when Reg graduated from Sea View High. At least thats what the reporters r saying. So Reg will b about the same age as her grandkids. Yikes.

Me and Suze were totally blown away by the news. We havent been able 2 find Reg since it broke. We think shes with May May hiding from the press somewhere.

We were flipping thru the channels looking 4 the interviews we did 4 the news today. Suze wore a bikini top that highlighted her silicone assets 4 the CNN interview. Were hoping the reality show scouts c that one. But instead of Suze, CNN was showing that Sufjan Stevens video 4 the serial killer song “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.”

“And in my best behavior
I am really just like him.
Look beneath the floor boards
For the secrets I have hid.”
 

Sounds like someones offering Stevens a bundle to remake the song with Satin Strangler lyrics 4 a DestinyIsInnocent fundraiser.

Hmmm. I dont know whats more creepy – a song about a serial killer or marrying a guy with grandkids your age.

In honor of our best friend and her upcoming nuptials and childbirth, Suze and me smoked our dose of medicinal herb and made a list of the creepiest songs ever. We disqualified Ozzy Osbourne, Rob Zombie, and Alice Cooper or else we wouldve been at it all day. Im guessing that “Living Dead Girl” would have been the winner out of those three. We eventually disqualified Metallica and Twisted Sister 4 the same reason, or else “Enter Sandman” and “Captain Howdy” might have had a chance.

We didnt disqualify Pink Floyd only cuz theyre the greatest non-Jersey band ever, but our votes were split between “One of My Turns” and “Brain Damage.” We also couldnt agree on a Warren Zevon song, since I liked “Werewolves of London” but Suze wanted “Excitable Boy,” more 4 its grave digging than 4 its biting and raping and killing.

In the end we decided that a fa-la-la sing-along tune with creepy lyrics would have 2 take the prize. With that in mind, we considered songs like “Jessies Girl” by Rick Springfield, “867-5309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone, “Every Breath U Take” by The Police, and “Sunglasses at Night” by Corey Hart.

Those r all pretty creepy, but the three winners that we dedicate to May May and Reg r:

“Dont Stand so Close to Me” by The Police

“Youre Having my Baby” by Paul Anka

“Youre 16” by Ringo Starr

Hey just kidding Reg. Come home soon. We miss you.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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Best Song Lyrics Ever

Me and Suze were over at Regs place listening 2 tunes and we started talking about the best song lyrics ever. Suze voted 4 Pink Floyds Wish U Were Here: Did u exchange A walk on part in a war 4 a lead role in a cage? Then after a few more puffs she started babbling about the Floyd Tune called Empty Spaces from The Wall. We love the Floyd, but theres only 4 lines of lyrics in the hole song. That was the Jersey-Grown talking. What shall we use 2 fill the empty spaces Where we used 2 talk? How shall I fill the final places? How should I complete the wall? Me and Reg went with everything Springsteen ever wrote. Suze made us narrow down the list though. I voted 4 Backstreets: Remember all the movies, Terry Wed go see Trying 2 learn 2 walk like the heroes We thought we had 2 b Well after all this time 2 find were just like all the rest Stranded in the park And forced 2 confess 2 hiding on the backstreets No surprise Reg went with Thunderroad: Waste your summer praying in vain 4 a savior 2 rise from these streets Well, Im no hero, thats understood All the redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood Hard not 2 love those lines from The Boss. What do u think? Vote 4 yure favorite lyrics in the comments below. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

I got tons of emails after posting about the best hair band rock ballad ever. It got me and Suze surfing the net as they say 2 find some good footage. This concert has Poison singing Every Rose Has Its Thorn. We had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown be4 watching it but it looks like a concert we saw back in the day. If you look carefully at the 2:30 time point you can probably make out Suze in the back. I think I may have been passed out by that point but maybe Im just behind someone in the shot. Here it is. Enjoy it. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

The Lawyers Book

Blogsters and blogettes. Suze and me just got back from Barnes and Noble bookstore in downtown Sea View. Actually we were walking 2 the head shop 2 score some rolling papers and had 2 go past the bookstore. Otherwise we wouldnt of been anywhere near that many books at one time.

Reg bagged us again. Maybe if she new we were going 2 the bookstore she would have come along. Ouch. Suze just pinched me with a roach clip. She thinks Ive been 2 hard on Reg. She may b right, but IMHO Reg isnt the same person since she started messing around with her married guy.

Anyway. There was a line all the way down the street from the bookstore with people waiting 2 c the Satin Strangler lawyer Horace Krouch. His new book If She Did Him just came out. Its a story about Destiny Blande the Satin Strangler but he changed her name to Daphne. They say the lawyer in If She Did Him is also a lot better looking than Krouch and he makes the beast with two backs with the Destiny Daphne which would probably never happen in real life so its called fiction.

We snagged Suzes older brother Stan who we call Slash after the Guns N Roses lead guitarist. He was up near the front in the bookstore line waiting 2 meet the lawyer.

Suzes brain got its wires crossed, and she started babbling about Guns N Roses killing off the hair bands which is wasted breath anyway since its totally obvious. I just agreed, hoping 2 skip past whatever she had in mind. No such luck. Be4 I could ask Slash if he had rolling papers and y he was on line at a bookstore and if he ever even red a book Suze got that look that Reg used 2 get when she hung with us.

“Best power ballad of all time” she yelled. I waited 2 c if we were allowed to pick the obvious – Jersey gods Skid Row and god of all gods Bon Jovi. Then she said “I Remember You” and “Never Say Goodbye” didnt count. Just as I expected.

Everyone in line started yelling out songs. Its like they were all power ballad experts or something.

"When I Look In2 Your Eyes” by Firehouse

“Is This Love?” by White Snake

“When I C U Smile” by Bad English

“Miles Away” by Winger

“Sometimes She Cries” by Warrant

“Nobodys Fool” by Cinderella

“Love Song” by Tesla

“Home Sweet Home” by the Crue got some play in the voting. Some New York looking pretty boy kept yelling out “Heaven Isnt So Far Away” but he was finally shut up by a butch biker chick rooting 4 “When the Children Cry” by White Lion.

The top choices became obvious. There was almost a brawl over Poisons “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and GNRs “Patience.” Slash was chanting “GNR GNR GNR” and pointing 2 himself as though he was the real Slash or Axel Rose or something. The biker chick was yelling at the New York pretty boy Warrant fan sticking her finger in his face.

It looked like a riot was brewing. The chubby bookstore security guard came over and threatened 2 arrest us all if we didnt pipe down. He kept his hands close 2 his hips like he had guns that he was prepared 2 use or something.

Anyway. Being told 2 pipe down reminded Suze of the bowl in her pocket so we looked 4 a place 2 have a few puffs. The bookstore scene was still getting intense when me and Suze left. Having our names in the paper 4 getting busted at a Barnes and Noble of all places would have been a major BK.

We walked over 2 the boardwalk. They started construction there 2 rebuild the amusement park. Lots of bulldozers and cranes all over the place. Suze and me jumped up on2 a bulldozer seat, looked out over a pile of cement slabs, and lit up some fresh Jersey-Grown.

After a few puffs we totally forgot where we were going so we headed home. Were still out of rolling papers, in case u have any and r in the neighborhood.

Thats all I got 4 now. Later.

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This is post #73 in The Satin Strangler Blogs (TSSB).

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Prairie Dog Video

Me and Suze were supposed 2 go out 2 c Zombieland last night, but then we stumbled across this video on YouTube. We kept watching it 4 about 3 hours straight. Actually not straight. We were in the middle of en epic buzz.

Halloween in Sea View

Blogsters and blogettes. Last night we went down 2 the beach 2 have our annual Halloween bonfire. It was our first one ever but we agreed to do it again next year. It was me and Suze and Suzes brother Richie and about five of Richies hangout buds. Richies been insisting 4 months that we all wear costumes. We were all busting on him 4 being a teenage girl about it but he wouldnt let it go. Thats the problem with Richie. Actually thats one of a bunch of problems with Richie. Richie said that since he was going 2 the fire house 2 get the permit 4 the bonfire it was his party and if we didnt want 2 wear a costume then we werent coming. Me and Suze werent going 2 go because of the costumes. Richie then had his first good idea ever. We would all dress up like our favorite Springsteen song character. Suze was all over it. She yelled out "The Girl From the Supermarket" and started ripping through old boxes of garbage in her closet. Finally she came up with a beat up old cap that Reg used to wear when she worked at Grocery Barn. She plopped it on her head and said "Done." I was considering Rosalita or maybe Wendy from Born to Run but I figured theyd be 2 much work. I finally decided 2 b Barefoot Girl from Jungleland ("Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a car drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain"). All I had to do was take off my shoes and grab a beer 4 that one. Richie had no idea what he was going to b. He disappeared to figure it out. Me and Suze had a few puffs of Jersey-Grown before heading over 2 the beach because a couple of Richies friends are total mooches. My feet were killing me by the time we got over there. Next time Ill get into costume upon arrival. This way I wont have to walk 12 blocks barefoot through Sea View. When we got 2 the beach Richie was bent over the fire with his back 2 us trying 2 lite a monster stogie. He screamed and spun around with his straw hat on fire. Something that we later found out was two grapefruits in a nylon stocking were whipping around his waist. Suze ran over and pulled the hat off his head. His eyebrows had fallen out but the rest of him was okay. He was a sight with no eyebrows and the grapefruits hanging down from his crotch. When we finally decided hed be okay we asked him what the heck Richie was and he said "Big Balls Billy." We had no idea what he was talking about. He kept saying the name and then finally said it was from Rosalita. We didnt have the heart to tell him the actual line from Rosalita is "Sloppy Sue and Big Bones Billy theyll be coming up for air." The doctors say theres no permanent damage (outside his head) and that the eyebrows will grow back in a few months. Thats all I got 4 now. Later.